This Day in History, February 1st
1790 – In New York City, the Supreme Court of the United States attempts to convene for the first time; fails due to lack of guiding precedent.
1865 – President Abraham Lincoln signs the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. The amendment officially abolished slavery and forced servitude outside of the institution of marriage.
1920 – The Royal Canadian Mounted Police begins operations / first gay joke about “mounties” is made.
1968 – Canada’s three military services, the Royal Canadian Navy, the Canadian Army and the Royal Canadian Air Force, are unified into the Canadian Forces. The world quakes in terror.
1978 – Director Roman Polanski skips bail and flees the United States to France after pleading guilty to charges of engaging in sex with a 13-year-old girl. Celebrities around the world immediately forgive him because they liked “Rosemary’s Baby.” Unfortunately he, too, liked Rosemary’s baby.
1982 – Senegal and the Gambia form a loose and completely pointless confederation known as Senegambia.
1985 – Maybell, Colorado reaches a record low of -61 degrees. Scientists finally discover the freezing point of pubic hair.
1998 –Lillian E. Fishburne became the first female African American to be promoted to rear admiral. Reports that it “didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would once we got going.”
2004 – 251 people are trampled to death and 244 injured in a stampede at the Hajj pilgrimage in Saudi Arabia. Allah says “oooh, SO close but you don’t get your virgins.”