An Unmerited John Grisham Taunting
Reports are now abounding that John Grisham has finished his next action novel and that this one is truly heart-stopping. Yes, a study of readers by medics found that during the first 100 pages their pulses slowed to about half the normal rate. During the love sub-plot some readers dropped to a rate that would typically indicate being asleep. The intricate finale (spanning nearly the last 150 pages!) resulted in four deaths, six cases of irreversible comas, and one suicide.
Grisham has said he is experimenting with a new type of villain in this novel – one like the world has never seen: one dimensional and only vaguely threatening.
Grisham has sold over 250 million copies worldwide. That’s right. Over 250 million books with plots copied from other authors and from his own previous works.
The Mississippi State University Library maintains a room called the John Grisham Room to this day. University officials note that next to the school dump it is their largest collection of garbage.
Grisham’s wikipedia entry states that “Grisham is also well known within the literary community for his efforts to support the continuing literary tradition of his native South.” This sounds philanthropic until you realize that the literary tradition of southern America is illiteracy and intolerance.
Grisham is well known for his modern legal drama. However, quite apart from his numerous pending trials for indecent exposure he also writes books in courtroom settings.
Grisham has said that his family splits their time between their Victorian home on a farm outside Oxford, Mississippi, and a home near Charlottesville, Virginia. His wife splits her time between him, a successful young male modern art dealer, and the boy who works the counter at their local Starbucks.
When it comes to religion, Grisham has described himself as a middle of the road Baptist. That is to say, he doesn’t believe in the god part so much, but he’s still thoroughly racist.
Recently, Grisham caused a lot of puzzlement when he released a first non-fiction book under the title “The Innocent Man”. Grisham soon cleared up the puzzlement, though, clarifying to the reporters that the book is NOT based on personal experiences.
When asked if he ever regrets his grueling schedule of one book a year, Grisham said that sometimes he wishes he had time to pursue some other goals he had when he was young like learning to write creatively.
Grisham has also been asked if churning out one book every year doesn’t have a negative effect on quality to which he answered that he thinks his books would be just as awful if he took two years to write them. He also added that if he didn’t realize one a year he would feel badly because the homeless would have less paper to wipe their asses on.
When John Grisham introduced his first novel, A Time to Kill, to Random House, they agreed to publish it under one condition; each and every one of his future books has to start with the word “The.”
John Grisham and Michael Chrichton were known to have a career long feud. Grisham claims that he had the idea for Jurassic Park and Chrichton stole it from him after Grisham had spilled the plot over a few glasses of white wine one evening. Grisham’s claim fell apart when he was placed on the stand to defend his work and described the plot as: “A young go-getting brontosaurus who gets his first big case to defend a young apatosaurus mother of three whose children have been poisoned by tainted triceratops droppings when the head associate of the firm, Tyrannosaurus Rex reveals an even larger case within the case, one riddled with deceit and conspira…
When John Grisham isn’t writing, he works on his most favorite charitable foundation: himself.