An Unmerited Richard Dean Anderson Taunting
Unfortunately, for the once-popular Richard Dean Anderson, the recession-caused job loss that is hitting us all this year started for him in 1992.
People are right in guessing that Mr. Anderson is of part Native American origin. However, the assumption that his ancestors are from the Mullet tribe is incorrect (they were Mohawks).
The very clean-cut Anderson once surprisingly turned himself in to a rehab clinic for “substance abuse.” He was, however, not given admittance when he was informed that hairspray and cheap cologne is not one of the addictions they treat.
A famous TV critic once raved about Mr. Anderson’s unique appeal, citing as an example that there is “no poor man’s Richard Dean Anderson.” The statement was retracted with apologies from the publication a week later when its editors realized that Richard Dean Anderson is himself the poor man’s Richard Dean Anderson.
It’s well known that Richard Dean Anderson is an enormous fan of the Simpson’s. He says he identifies with all the characters on the cartoon show because he, too, is one dimensional and yellow.
Richard Dean Anderson, or “RDA” as he is known to his fans, grew up in the same state as our site creator, Daniel Richard Monroe or “DRM” as he is known to his fans. When RDA brought up that they both grew up in Minnesota at a Stargate SG-1 convention, DRM made it clear that he didn’t give a “FUK”.
Richard Dean Anderson is known to be an avid lover of dogs and has even been quoted saying “They are my favorite people”. This explains his seventeen arrests in eleven different states.
It is well known that Richard Dean Anderson is an avid supporter of gun control which paralleled his character of Angus MacGyver on the hit television series, MacGyver. Another parallel between Mr. Anderson and his character MacGyver is that they both have ridiculous names.
In 2006, Mr. Anderson reprised his role as MacGyver one last time in a MasterCard commercial. When asked why MasterCard was the company he chose to lend his oh so prestigious endorsement, he answered, “Because for the last 14 years I’ve had to live on credit.”
It may surprise the ladies to know that Mr. Anderson has never been married. This fact makes much more sense though, when one learns that he is a huge fan of ice hockey.
According to Wikipedia, when Mr. Anderson was 17 he rode his bike 5,641 miles from Minnesota to Alaska, starting out with some friends but traveling the last 33 days alone. It was a trip that would eerily foreshadow the trajectory of his life, where the years up through 1992 were spent surrounded by friends and the decades afterwards totally and utterly alone.
Richard Dean Anderson always dreamed of being a professional hockey player until he broke both of his arms in two separate games. Because of these accidents, he decided to turn to acting where he continued to “break” his dreams of being relevant.
In 1985 RDA was voted “Sexiest Survivalist” by People Magazine. When asked how he felt about the honor, he replied, “It’s nice, but I was hoping for Sexiest Mullet-Toting Jackass.”
MacGyver’s birthday can clearly be seen on his passport in episode 1-15, “Every Time She Smiles”, the first episode that introduced us to Penny Parker, who was played by Teri Hatcher who ironically enough, like Richard Dean Anderson, has completely disappeared into obscurity.
In many episodes of MacGyver, he must defeat a nemesis, Murdoc, who never seems to die. This recurring theme is said to be the studios hint to Richard Dean Anderson to “Give it a rest already.”
A lot of women who have dated Anderson but not married him have cited his apparent unwillingness (or inability?) to ever pay for dinner for their choice not to commit.
On MacGyver, Mr. Anderson would do things like create a bomb out of a pen, some chewing gum, and a box of staples. In his post-MacGyver life, Anderson seemed to work similar magic in creating bombs out of a new tv pilot script, some financing and himself as the proposed star.
Unknown to many, Cuba Gooding Jr. got his start as “Billy Colton” on RDA’s MacGyver. After the first episode, RDA was overheard saying “This kid is gonna go places, I know it.” When asked what made him so sure, RDA replied “I just sent him to pick me up a new can of mullet wax.”