An Unmerited Horatio Sanz Taunting
Horatio Sanz is so thin now that even Chuck Palahniuk wouldn’t accept him as a premise.
With Horatio’s weight loss, the North American continent has reclaimed approximately 14 inches of coastline previously thought to have been lost by rising water levels from global warming.
Horatio Sanz has lost so much weight that his body now joins his mind in being insubstantial.
Now that Horatio Sanz has lost the weight, NASA is reporting that the earth has finally returned to its natural orbiting pattern around the sun.
Now that Horatio has lost those tons of excess weight, scientists say that they are going to put the dinosaur back onto the extinct list.
Since Horatio lost the weight, his home town’s climate has become two degrees cooler on average from the heat no longer generated between his thighs when he walks.
Horatio Sanz says he lost the excess pounds primarily from eating better – instead of butter.
Horatio Sanz is so skinny now that he falls into the toilet when he sits down to pee.
Horatio is overjoyed with his weight loss and loves telling people about how he lost his spare tire. Unfortunately, for the most part, people would like to be spared his tiring story.
Horatio Sanz attributes his lost poundage to exercise. Yeah, running his MOUTH.
Horatio would love for his ex to see how he’s shed the poundage rather than what she’s currently doing: getting pounded in a shed.
Horatio may not be carrying nearly so much weight around anymore… but don’t worry, he hasn’t stopped carrying his ugly mug so you’ll still recognize him on the street.
Sanz’s waist is now pencil-thin, meaning that his lovers can now describe his waist and his genitals conveniently using the same phrase.
Do you remember looking at the moon as a child and being shown how you can discern a face in it? It was a real joy, right? Now imagine the disappointment of alien children on the moon now that Sanz’s face has slimmed so much that they can barely discern it without a telescope.
In a real case of irony, now that Horatio is so sveldt that he has announced he’s going to become a chubby chaser. When asked why, he said “b/c now I can actually run.”
Horatio’s diet isn’t all good news. Scientists are now lamenting the loss of the third biggest body of water on earth.
Unlike when he was a cow, the next girl Horatio sleeps with won’t be crushed and breathless after the sex… just disappointed.
People look at Horatio’s new muscled body and wonder how a man can look so strong yet weigh so little. The answer? He’s full of hot air and there’s nothing between his ears.