Wilson got his start as a co-writer of the movie Bottlerocket. The movie was such a success that even to this very day some people say that they think they remember seeing it.

Authorities are saying that Wilson hung himself from the shelf where all his Oscars sit. This is the authorities roundabout way of saying that Owen Wilson did not hang himself.

Wilson didn’t leave a suicide note, but authorities are saying they are accepting his filmography as an adequate substitute.

Bent-nosed heartthrob Owen Wilson said he “knows” his next film (with Vince Vaughan, Ben Stiller and cut-up Will Ferrell) is going to be a huge hit… apparently his “knows” is broken too!

When asked for comment over the apparent suicide of his brother, Luke Wilson simply said, “I have a brother?”

Owen Wilson has been linked to such sexy starletts as Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson and Jake Gylennhal.

Apparently Wilson is also pretty open-minded as he’s been linked to a few hot dudes as well, including Pete Wentz, Michael Stipe and Maggie Gylennhal.

Though he would rather be known for his long career of excellent films, aborted suicide Owen Wilson is probably best know for a mistake he is associated with… that mistake? The embarrassing nationwide foul-up where Blockbuster video put Wedding Crashers in the comedy section.

Kate Hudson issued a statement saying “I can’t believe that a man that I dated would try attempt something so drastic”, adding “I also can’t believe Owen Wilson” would.

Whether you are rich and famous or not, the support of one’s parents is always critical at times like these and Wilson’s parents immediately stepped forward in the wake of their son’s suicide attempt to stress that he is not a failure because he attempted suicide without succeeding… taking it so far as to say “he’s always been dead to us”.

Wilson became a surprise hearthrob with magazines all over the US touting his good looks and sex appeal. Perhaps no group of people were more surprised more by his “hunk” reputation than actual women.

Wilson has already issued a statement saying that he is no longer suicidal and plans to move forward with his life in a way that is positive and constructive and utilizes the talents that he almost squandered. In fact, he has already inked a deal to co-star in a zany comedy called “Benson & Hedges” opposite Will Ferrell. The two will play hilarious talking cigarettes.

Friend and former actor Vince Vaughn was also quick to comment on Wilson’s plight, saying that he would like to know that Wilson is beyond this bad patch in his life and he would also like a pizza and 19 beers.

Famous among his friends for always being able to make light of a situation, Wilson inadvertently created comic gold yet again when his suicide attempt rendered his yellow “live strong” bracelet ironic.