Jeffery Atkins says he took the name “Ja Rule” for very detailed and intricate reasons of which he wouldn’t speak. When grilled by MTV, Atkins eventually broke down and explained. “Some of my friends called me ‘Ja’ and other friends called me ‘Rule’ so I just put them together.” Upon releasing this information it was immediately discovered where all the creative genius that went into his rap songs came from.

Although it is a well known fact that Jeffrey Atkins is a chronic bed wetter, he has never rapped about it in his music. Not once.

Ja Rule and his wife had a themed wedding: The Godfather, proving no matter how rich you are, you can still be responsible for reinforcing stereotypes.

Rule has a touching song called “Between Me & You” about the large yellow stain that partitions his side of the bed from his girlfriends.

From 2000 until 2002, it has been reported that Jeffrey “Ja Rule” Atkins sold more records than any other rapper and was the highest paid. There are some who say that this may not be accurate, but the 2000 census seems to confirm this citing a marked rise in the population of idiot wiggers.

Ja’s kids have been bugging him for a pool in their New Jersey mansion but due to the economic recession Ja makes them sleep during the day so they can hang out and play in the “water” under their dad’s bed during night time.

Despite coming in at about 5’5, 126 lbs, Ja Rule has said that Suge Knight is all show and not scary at all. He also added that he’s a really good kisser.

On December 6th, 2005 Ja Rule took a hiatus from rapping. This, alongside the crash of the Hindenburg and the bombing of Pearl Harbor is considered the greatest tragedy in American history (for wiggers).

Ja is known to travel with a posse that is even larger than Snoop Dogg’s. When asked why he needs so many people on the road with him, Ja explained that some are there to score his weed, some to procure food and lodging at each tour stop, the remaining thirty are there to follow him around with mops.

Ja Rule founded the L.I.F.E Foundation, which opens its doors to underprivileged children through various programs such as art, music, poetry and sports. Just another example of Ja Rule’s boundless creativity; starting a philanthropic association that has only been done 4 hundred billion times before.

Many notice Ja Rule’s signature stylish shaved head look, but what most don’t know is the reason he shaves his head is so it doesn’t get soaked while he sleeps.

Ja Rule is married to Aisha Atkins whom he met in highschool when she was helping him get over his fear of the dark. Unfortunately Jeff Atkins passed this fear onto his children who, surprisingly enough, conquered their fear while their father still struggles.

Atkins has said that one of his biggest heroes is Niccolo Machiavelli. He’s been quoted as saying that it was his other hero, Tupac Shakur’s, favorite book. Atkins used to keep a copy of Machiavelli’s text, “The Prince” (even though he couldn’t read) under his pillow until the pages got so wet that the book disintegrated altogether.

Jeff “Ja Rule” Atkins is a celebrated homophobe, being quoted in magazines as saying homosexuality is “fucking up America.” Mr. Atkins has a point. I mean, it couldn’t possibly be irresponsible street thugs who become millionaires for shooting people and rapping about killing cops while giving absolutely nothing back to their communities that are “fucking up America.”

Even Dr. Dre (though not a fan of Rule’s) has had to admit that Rule resembles Tupac Shakur more than a little, remarking that “if it weren’t for being a lot shorter and smelling a lot more like an unchanged litter box, I’d barely be able to tell the two apart.”

Jeff Atkins has said that he really wants to work with R. Kelly… for reasons too obvious to state here.

Ja Rule is known for his six pack abs, but guess what? He doesn’t have to diet for them. “I eat whatever I want and people get mad,” He says. The key must be all the water weight he loses at night.

Ja Rule has been quoted as saying, “I listen to Nickleback.” Proving that not only does he just kind of suck in general but he has no music taste even outside of hip hop.

Hip Hop Magazine once asked Rule why he rocks an extra long do-rag on his head at all times. Rule replied “this ain’t no do-rag, this my emergency sham-wow.”

Q: What takes a shower late each night and early each morning, yet is never clean?

A: JA RULE

Why did young Calvin Broadus change his name to Snoop Dogg? Well, because he knew that if he ever got the chance to have sex it would help to explain his small, bright red penis.

Why did Snoop Dogg title his most famous album “Doggy Style”? He wanted to send a message to Dr. Dre that they should try out new positions in bed to spice up their flagging love life.

Snoop’s albums are noteworthy for their constant disparaging comments about bitches. Sadly, this self-loathing is probably the single most recurring theme in the artists oeuvre.

In 1993, Snoop discovered a young rapper in Columbus, Ohio whom he dubbed “Lil Bow Wow”. Snoop immediately proclaimed “he’s going to be just like me” to the press. However the prediction has seemingly not come true. As I write this in 2009, Lil Bow Wow is still not a murderer and has even learned to read.

In the mid-nineties, Dr. Dre suddenly left Death Row records, causing Snoop to have to co-produce his album The Doggfather with dismal results. This would not be the only time, either, as Dr. Dre would go on to pull-out on Snoop in their scene together in the Doggfather’s porno flick “Snoop Dogg’s Doggstyle” in 2000.

Snoop continued his meteoric decline with a release titled “Paid tha Cost to be tha Bo$$”. Jaded fans sadly noted that not only was the music bad but this time even the album title had misspellings in it.

Snoop’s album title “Paid tha Cost to be tha Bo$$” had the unintended effect of reminding his fans that although he would pay any price to get out from under Suge Knight, he still refused to pay his alimony, child-support, or tip waiters.

In 2008, Broadus gave in to mounting public desire to learn his secrets to good parenting and filmed a show on the subject called “Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood”. However, the show squandered the public’s initial favor when it became apparent that the main lesson Snoop was imparting to his son, “aim high”, had more to do with sighting a gun while under the influence of marijuana than with setting ambitious but attainable life goals.

Ex girlfriends have embarrassingly confessed to reporters that when the famous singer references his “nine millimeter” in song he isn’t talking about a gun.

The famously lanky performer has told newspapers that his scrawny physique is due to a naturally high metabolism. In fact, the only times Snoop has ever been known to put on an extra pound or two are during outbreaks of his particularly potent strain of genital warts.

Doctors have contested Snoop’s claims of a “naturally high” metabolism, saying that although marijuana is a plant, it is not exactly “natural” to smoke a pound of it a day.

Although dogs are the only animal that Broadus has self-identified with in public, it is well known in the social circles he frequents that he is also a consumate stool pidgeon.