Why did young Calvin Broadus change his name to Snoop Dogg? Well, because he knew that if he ever got the chance to have sex it would help to explain his small, bright red penis.

Why did Snoop Dogg title his most famous album “Doggy Style”? He wanted to send a message to Dr. Dre that they should try out new positions in bed to spice up their flagging love life.

Snoop’s albums are noteworthy for their constant disparaging comments about bitches. Sadly, this self-loathing is probably the single most recurring theme in the artists oeuvre.

In 1993, Snoop discovered a young rapper in Columbus, Ohio whom he dubbed “Lil Bow Wow”. Snoop immediately proclaimed “he’s going to be just like me” to the press. However the prediction has seemingly not come true. As I write this in 2009, Lil Bow Wow is still not a murderer and has even learned to read.

In the mid-nineties, Dr. Dre suddenly left Death Row records, causing Snoop to have to co-produce his album The Doggfather with dismal results. This would not be the only time, either, as Dr. Dre would go on to pull-out on Snoop in their scene together in the Doggfather’s porno flick “Snoop Dogg’s Doggstyle” in 2000.

Snoop continued his meteoric decline with a release titled “Paid tha Cost to be tha Bo$$”. Jaded fans sadly noted that not only was the music bad but this time even the album title had misspellings in it.

Snoop’s album title “Paid tha Cost to be tha Bo$$” had the unintended effect of reminding his fans that although he would pay any price to get out from under Suge Knight, he still refused to pay his alimony, child-support, or tip waiters.

In 2008, Broadus gave in to mounting public desire to learn his secrets to good parenting and filmed a show on the subject called “Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood”. However, the show squandered the public’s initial favor when it became apparent that the main lesson Snoop was imparting to his son, “aim high”, had more to do with sighting a gun while under the influence of marijuana than with setting ambitious but attainable life goals.

Ex girlfriends have embarrassingly confessed to reporters that when the famous singer references his “nine millimeter” in song he isn’t talking about a gun.

The famously lanky performer has told newspapers that his scrawny physique is due to a naturally high metabolism. In fact, the only times Snoop has ever been known to put on an extra pound or two are during outbreaks of his particularly potent strain of genital warts.

Doctors have contested Snoop’s claims of a “naturally high” metabolism, saying that although marijuana is a plant, it is not exactly “natural” to smoke a pound of it a day.

Although dogs are the only animal that Broadus has self-identified with in public, it is well known in the social circles he frequents that he is also a consumate stool pidgeon.