It is always around this time of year that I am faced with the same gut-wrenching and logic-nagging question: What makes me more nauseous: Mariah Carey’s Santa Costume or FOX News?

Every December, the adorable rag-tag gang over at FOX and Friends declares war on those they accuse of declaring war on Christmas, you know, just like Jesus would do!

This year they’re bucking the National anti-bullying campaign in favor of Rhode Island Governor, Lincoln Chafee, who they say refuses to label the Rhode Island Christmas tree, a Christmas tree (ed. note: I don’t believe choosing to type Tree Lighting on their invitation cards instead of Christmas Tree Lighting does not qualify as a refusal to do so). This audacious and sinful decision prompted one FOX and Friends guest to shout “Leave the Christ in Christmas!” (while wearing an adorable Santa hat that assumedly kept his head from exploding like a Christmas candy filled piñata), and the host of the program, Steve Doosey, to post Mr. Chafee’s phone number on the screen while encouraging viewers to call him personally to complain. The most wonderfully hypocritical point in the show (of which they have plenty) was when another commentator, Rachel something, used the counter point of the previous Governor’s inclusion of the term “Christmas Tree” on the invitations during his term, which, in the amazingly predictable manner of the show, is of course entirely false. In fact, Donald Carcieri, the previous Governor used the even more offensive, Holiday Tree, during his term. But FOX does not care about these untruths because they do not expect their insane amount of viewers to fact check anything they say, which is of course what makes them the prettiest girl at the dance.

What I really want to drive home here is this Network’s maniacal obsession with rewriting history. FOX has been ignoring easily discernable historical truths for years, and until Jon Stewart came along, no one called them on their horseshit. But in spite of the remarkable job Stewart and his writers do, millions of viewers still read FOX News like the rest of us read A People’s History. One of the more deplorable “characters” of the show, Laura Ingraham, saw Chafee’s Christmas tree debacle as a shining opportunity to hit her viewers with some serious historical knowledge:

“Why did these Pilgrims brave incredibly difficult, er, uh, conditions to live here, die here, and, and try to start a, uh, a new way of life for themselves, to find religious freedom. Yeah… yeah… and now religious freedom is on the rocks.”

Ugh. With the exception of Denmark, the United States is the paragon of religious freedom. Granted, at the moment we’re going through a skid mark phase with the Muslim community, and there are violent and political attacks on different religious groups here (as there are in any other free nation), but we are still pretty damn tolerant. But regardless of these remarkably transparent facts, Ms. Ingraham’s use of the Pilgrims as a dynamic example of religious suppression is outstanding, and an adept archetype of FOX’s historical standards and practices – you see, believe it or not, the Pilgrims hated the glorification of Christmas even more than Governor Chafee apparently does.

For those of you that may be unaware, the Pilgrims were super-religious Puritan separatists (remember their celebrated past time of burning witches, which we now know were prevalent then and surely run rampant in our Northeast territories today!). When the Pilgrims came to what is now our United States, they called themselves the Saints and they were accompanied by everyone else whom they called the Strangers (read The Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell). The Strangers loved Christmas which did much to piss off the Pilgrims because they were severely opposed to religious holidays and the overt displays of religion that were so often associated with them (remember, they sort of hated Catholicism). The Pilgrims were also very much against forbearing work for the recognition of Christmas, and our earliest Congress was known for always working on Christmas Day – for nearly seventy years! As a matter of fact, in 1659, the Puritans (in Boston, but still) passed a law banning the celebration of Christmas that stated: “For preventing disorders arising in several places within this jurisdiction, by reason of some still observing such festivals as were superstitiously kept in other countries to the great dishonor of God and offense of others, it is therefore ordered that whoever shall be found observing any such day as Christmas or the like, either by forbearing of labor, feasting, or any other way, shall pay for every such offense five shillings to the county.” Christmas did not become an official Massachusetts holiday until 1856, but even then its celebration was unenthusiastic and certainly resembled nothing near what it does today. I guess Ms. Ingraham brushed over that chapter in her history book.

My point here is to encourage all of you to do your research – read your books – know your history. There are so many individuals in such high positions of power that use their influence to uneducate those who listen to them; banking on the idea that they will just take their words for fact. Don’t do that. And what is missed in all of this is who cares!? Seriously, friends, does this really matter? Is anyone telling you that you can’t call it a Christmas tree? Is anyone telling you that you can’t wish people a Merry Christmas? Is there anyone telling you that you have to say Happy Holidays? Of course there is not.

Celebrate what you want to celebrate. Wish what you want to wish. After all, this is not the Pilgrims’ America – it’s ours.

*facts provided by the Library of Congress and Roger Matile from his 2008 article, Celebrating and giving gifts at Christmas? Pilgrims would be aghast