Due to the recent passing of celebrities like Gary “whatcha” Coleman and the slutty one from Golden Girls, we here at the Lowbrow Sophisticate find it cathartic to enhance the mourning process with inventive new terms to describe the journey our loved ones take when traveling to hell.

So if you’ve lost someone close to you, perhaps using these terms will soften the blow of reality:

Failed the Bar

Fell Off the branch

Fell to Pieces

Filled his Prescription

Finally Calmed Down

Finished their Book

Flew North

Flooded the Engine

Flyin’ First Class

Got it to go

Going the way of VHS

Got a divorce without paperwork

Got Called Up to the Majors

Got his Report Card

Got Sent to the Minors

Got Stiff in the Wrong Places

Got the Promotion He Deserved

Gritting His Teeth

Holding the Phone

Howled at the Moon

Jumped to the credits

Launched the Yacht

Layin’ Low

Leaving your coat on the rack

Left for Palestine

Left w/out Tipping

Locked the Hatchback

Lost some Weight

Lost His Footing

Lost His Pogs

Betty White’s family moved from Oak Park, Illinois to Los Angeles, California during the “Great Depression.” Unfortunately their depression was not alleviated by the move because Betty came with them.

Even before her most famous tv show, White referred to her breasts as the “golden girls” due to their thick, blonde hair.

White’s first marriage to an Army Pilot named Dick Barker ended in divorce when Barker called out “Janet” in the bedroom. White assumed he was having an affair, failing to remember that it was their agreed upon “safety word” for when her activities grew too rough.

During the span of her career, White has been a frequent visitor on game shows such as “To Tell the Truth”, “Password” and “I’ve Got a Secret” (the latter was also a game she played in real life, concealing her massive credit card debt from her husbands, family, and fans).

When World War II broke out, White was quick to join the American Women’s Voluntary Services.  When that group disbanded, White continued to provide hundreds of American soldiers on leave with her voluntary services, often servicing four or five a day.

It is often forgotten that White began her career as a model but the few who do remember are still puzzled.

On “Boston Legal” White played a calculating, blackmailing, gossip-monger, a role that she had played in private throughout most of the 1980′s.