Reports are now abounding that John Grisham has finished his next action novel and that this one is truly heart-stopping. Yes, a study of readers by medics found that during the first 100 pages their pulses slowed to about half the normal rate. During the love sub-plot some readers dropped to a rate that would typically indicate being asleep. The intricate finale (spanning nearly the last 150 pages!) resulted in four deaths, six cases of irreversible comas, and one suicide.

Grisham has said he is experimenting with a new type of villain in this novel – one like the world has never seen: one dimensional and only vaguely threatening.

Grisham has sold over 250 million copies worldwide. That’s right. Over 250 million books with plots copied from other authors and from his own previous works.

The Mississippi State University Library maintains a room called the John Grisham Room to this day. University officials note that next to the school dump it is their largest collection of garbage.

Grisham’s wikipedia entry states that “Grisham is also well known within the literary community for his efforts to support the continuing literary tradition of his native South.” This sounds philanthropic until you realize that the literary tradition of southern America is illiteracy and intolerance.

Grisham is well known for his modern legal drama. However, quite apart from his numerous pending trials for indecent exposure he also writes books in courtroom settings.

Grisham has said that his family splits their time between their Victorian home on a farm outside Oxford, Mississippi, and a home near Charlottesville, Virginia. His wife splits her time between him, a successful young male modern art dealer, and the boy who works the counter at their local Starbucks.

When it comes to religion, Grisham has described himself as a middle of the road Baptist. That is to say, he doesn’t believe in the god part so much, but he’s still thoroughly racist.

Recently, Grisham caused a lot of puzzlement when he released a first non-fiction book under the title “The Innocent Man”. Grisham soon cleared up the puzzlement, though, clarifying to the reporters that the book is NOT based on personal experiences.

When asked if he ever regrets his grueling schedule of one book a year, Grisham said that sometimes he wishes he had time to pursue some other goals he had when he was young like learning to write creatively.

Grisham has also been asked if churning out one book every year doesn’t have a negative effect on quality to which he answered that he thinks his books would be just as awful if he took two years to write them. He also added that if he didn’t realize one a year he would feel badly because the homeless would have less paper to wipe their asses on.

When John Grisham introduced his first novel, A Time to Kill, to Random House, they agreed to publish it under one condition; each and every one of his future books has to start with the word “The.”

John Grisham and Michael Chrichton were known to have a career long feud. Grisham claims that he had the idea for Jurassic Park and Chrichton stole it from him after Grisham had spilled the plot over a few glasses of white wine one evening. Grisham’s claim fell apart when he was placed on the stand to defend his work and described the plot as: “A young go-getting brontosaurus who gets his first big case to defend a young apatosaurus mother of three whose children have been poisoned by tainted triceratops droppings when the head associate of the firm, Tyrannosaurus Rex reveals an even larger case within the case, one riddled with deceit and conspira…

When John Grisham isn’t writing, he works on his most favorite charitable foundation: himself.

There is one thing above all that led to Johnny Cash’s rise to prominence above his contemporary rivals like Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and La Bamba: their collective death in a plane crash in a field in Iowa.

In his last year Johnny Cash famously recorded “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails. The lyrics include lines like “I hurt myself today”. In the original version Reznor was referring to his frequent attempts at suicide. Cash’s interpretation had more to do with his strained attempts to move his bowels.

A little known fact is that Cash’s song “I Still Miss Someone” is sung from the perspective of his children as they thought about the father who spent no time with them and refused to pay for their schooling.

Back then it was known as “walking the line”. Now it’s known as “bisexuality”.

What’s the similarity between a record and Johnny Cash? Both are round, black and take steely rods in their holes.

When Johnny Cash’s brother died early in their youth two tragedies came out of it: 1) we never got to hear the songs his brother could have written, and 2) we had to hear the songs that Johnny wrote.

The Man in Black famously performed at Folsom Prison. Many commented on how notable it was to have a rebel perform in front of so many rebels. Few commented on how notable it was to have a rapist perform in front of so many rapists.

Over the years, biographies and biopics like Walk The Line have promoted the theory that Johnny Cash’s distinctive deep growl came about from years of abusing cigarettes, alcohol, and other substances, distracting audiences from the real sordid cause: nearly non-stop deep-throating.

It is ironic, when you think of it, how well known Cash became as “The Man in Black” when his bank account was “in the red” from years of abusing cigarettes, alcohol, other substances, and deep-throating.

In reality the closest Cash ever came to falling into a burning ring of fire was when he went down on June Carter Cash during her late-life, month-long outbreak of herpes.

Cash claimed that all his songs were written very quickly, most of them taking less than ten minutes to write and compose. No one was surprised by this.

In late life Cash suffered from diabetes brought about from years of indulgence and obesity (it’s no coincidence that Man in Black chose black – it’s slimming).

When asked toward the end of his life how he still continued to tour playing songs he had written nearly 30 years ago without forgetting a chord or lyric, Cash responded that it was not such a feat after all, as they are all exactly the same.

In one song, Johnny intoned “it’s dark as a dungeon, damp as the dew”. It was the only known reference he is known to have made in song to Willie Nelson’s anus.

What’s the difference between Johnny Cash and Buddy Holly? They both knew how to sing lyrics but only the latter ever learned how to write.

What’s the difference between a Johnny Cash original and a cover of his song by another performer? The latter is in tune.

At what age did Johnny Cash become an expert at guitar playing? It’s a trick question, this would have occurred if he had lived to be 100.

Why have none of Johnny Cash’s children followed in their father’s footsteps and become musicians in their own right? Because each was raised in foster homes amid squalor and dissolution.

Besides his role as trainer Frankie Dunn, Clint Eastwood also wished to play the character of female boxer Maggie Fitzgerald in Million Dollar Baby. However, he was told “no” by the studio because his breasts were too big.

Clint Eastwood’s academy award winning movie Million Dollar Baby didn’t always focus on boxing. In fact, the original script was turned down by Warner Bros. as it was a detailed account of a week-long period in 1996 when Mr. Eastwood attempted to sell his newborn baby for a million dollars.

In 1978’s non-academy award winning movie Every Which Way But Loose, Clint Eastwood plays the caretaker of a fist fighting orangutan. The two divorced in 1980.

A little known bit of Eastwood trivia is that the first two raisins were created by Dole Foods at the behest of Paramount studios. The reason? Mr. Eastwood was bashful about showing his craggy, old, and shrivelled balls during a scheduled nude scene and the studio needed something that would look just like them on film.

Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of “Carmel-by-the-Sea” in California. However, Mr. Eastwood immediately absconded when he arrived to take office and discovered that it was not in fact a town but a gay water park.

Clint Eastwood’s favorite drink is from the oldest bottle of scotch known to man: a Glenfiddich Rare Collection from 1937 (a 71 year old Scotch!). The bottle is forty-three years younger than he is.

Numerous shots of Clint Eastwood astride horses in his films have misled viewers into thinking that the actor himself is an avid rider. Rather it was just a ploy many of his producers used to cover up his bow-legged gait after long nights spent “jammin’ with the extras.”

Clint Eastwood is an enormous fan of golf…because he is truly, truly old.

In a recent interview, Clint Eastwood was asked of which of his award winning films he was most proud. Mr. Eastwood responded, “the smash hit, Reindeer Games.” When the interviewer reminded Mr. Eastwood that he did not direct Reindeer Games, Mr. Eastwood mumbled, “carrots” and pooped his pants.

Fellow film director Spike Lee and Clint Eastwood were involved in a feud over the lack of African American soldiers in Mr. Eastwood’s WWII epic, Flags of Our Fathers. Mr. Eastwood has told Mr. Lee to “shut his face” and Lee has accused Eastwood of reliving his “Dirty Harry days.” The spat seemed to end abruptly when Mr. Eastwood said, “I don’t see how anyone could vote for this character over John McCain.”

Wilson got his start as a co-writer of the movie Bottlerocket. The movie was such a success that even to this very day some people say that they think they remember seeing it.

Authorities are saying that Wilson hung himself from the shelf where all his Oscars sit. This is the authorities roundabout way of saying that Owen Wilson did not hang himself.

Wilson didn’t leave a suicide note, but authorities are saying they are accepting his filmography as an adequate substitute.

Bent-nosed heartthrob Owen Wilson said he “knows” his next film (with Vince Vaughan, Ben Stiller and cut-up Will Ferrell) is going to be a huge hit… apparently his “knows” is broken too!

When asked for comment over the apparent suicide of his brother, Luke Wilson simply said, “I have a brother?”

Owen Wilson has been linked to such sexy starletts as Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson and Jake Gylennhal.

Apparently Wilson is also pretty open-minded as he’s been linked to a few hot dudes as well, including Pete Wentz, Michael Stipe and Maggie Gylennhal.

Though he would rather be known for his long career of excellent films, aborted suicide Owen Wilson is probably best know for a mistake he is associated with… that mistake? The embarrassing nationwide foul-up where Blockbuster video put Wedding Crashers in the comedy section.

Kate Hudson issued a statement saying “I can’t believe that a man that I dated would try attempt something so drastic”, adding “I also can’t believe Owen Wilson” would.

Whether you are rich and famous or not, the support of one’s parents is always critical at times like these and Wilson’s parents immediately stepped forward in the wake of their son’s suicide attempt to stress that he is not a failure because he attempted suicide without succeeding… taking it so far as to say “he’s always been dead to us”.

Wilson became a surprise hearthrob with magazines all over the US touting his good looks and sex appeal. Perhaps no group of people were more surprised more by his “hunk” reputation than actual women.

Wilson has already issued a statement saying that he is no longer suicidal and plans to move forward with his life in a way that is positive and constructive and utilizes the talents that he almost squandered. In fact, he has already inked a deal to co-star in a zany comedy called “Benson & Hedges” opposite Will Ferrell. The two will play hilarious talking cigarettes.

Friend and former actor Vince Vaughn was also quick to comment on Wilson’s plight, saying that he would like to know that Wilson is beyond this bad patch in his life and he would also like a pizza and 19 beers.

Famous among his friends for always being able to make light of a situation, Wilson inadvertently created comic gold yet again when his suicide attempt rendered his yellow “live strong” bracelet ironic.