Hey Lowbrows – check out my first published article on Vic Romero’s Santa Fe VIP – thanks for the support!

http://www.thesantafevip.com/vipnews/wheres-the-beneficence-been/

Hey, “Fans”

As you know, we here at the Lowbrow Sophisticate love to make fun of how ridiculous and silly (not to mention dangerous) Scientology is. Well, guess what, we weren’t the first to think so. Check out this excellent link where Screen Junkies tell us about NINE awesome-ass celebrities who thought Scientology was stupid long before we did

1. Get over 30 viewers a day!
2. Play Supersize Me with Goats Milk
3. Slow our rate of posting so as to maintain high quality standards
4. Get Jason Schwartzman to play both Adam and Dan in the MGM Biopic of Lowbrow Sophisticates
5. Donate more (bodily fluids)
6. Help elect the first black President
7. Say “No offense” more
8. Legalize It (not what you think)
9. Get two full body tattoo suits each
10. Rid the Nation of those filthy delicious owls once and for all.

Due to the recent passing of celebrities like Gary “whatcha” Coleman and the slutty one from Golden Girls, we here at the Lowbrow Sophisticate find it cathartic to enhance the mourning process with inventive new terms to describe the journey our loved ones take when traveling to hell.

So if you’ve lost someone close to you, perhaps using these terms will soften the blow of reality:

Failed the Bar

Fell Off the branch

Fell to Pieces

Filled his Prescription

Finally Calmed Down

Finished their Book

Flew North

Flooded the Engine

Flyin’ First Class

Got it to go

Going the way of VHS

Got a divorce without paperwork

Got Called Up to the Majors

Got his Report Card

Got Sent to the Minors

Got Stiff in the Wrong Places

Got the Promotion He Deserved

Gritting His Teeth

Holding the Phone

Howled at the Moon

Jumped to the credits

Launched the Yacht

Layin’ Low

Leaving your coat on the rack

Left for Palestine

Left w/out Tipping

Locked the Hatchback

Lost some Weight

Lost His Footing

Lost His Pogs

Losing a loved one can be difficult and downright dreadful to describe to inquiring minds. We here at the lowbrow sophisticate understand this and have taken the time to develop new names for death, thus lessening the burden for the rest of you. So next time you have to tell someone that someone died, try one of these:

New Names for Death

2 Became a Third-Party President
3 Blew the Whistle
4 Boarding the Ferry
5 Bouncing the check
6 Burned the Christmas Goose
7 Catching it on the Fly
8 Caught it on the Tail
9 Chalked It Up to Experience
10 Changing Address
11 Changing the guard
12 Changing the Locks
13 Channelled Elvis
14 Chasing that big ol’ Coon Dog in the Sky
15 Checking your Mirrors
16 Chuggin the Hemlock
17 Clogged the Slide
18 Closed out
19 Closing the Gate
20 Couldn’t Stand the Light
21 Creepin
22 Cuttin the Crusts Off
23 Decided Not to Shower
24 Dialed 9 to get out
25 Didn’t Set His Alarm
26 Double Parked
27 Draining the Tub
28 Duckin out on the Bills
29 Eddied Out
30 Emptied Out the Fridge
31 Enlisted in the Red Army
32 Exercised without Stretching
33 Existing-Not
34 Failed Chemistry
35 Failed the Bar

Don’t worry. There’s more…