Stop da presses, Yo, Perk dem ears –
We gotta Growin’ Pains problems, not da Wonder Years.
His names Andrew Koenig, but dats not da name you know
He’s that mother fucka Boner, from dat Kirk Cameron show.
Crashin’ in Vancouver, visitin’ homies –
Sportin’ that Boner but it ain’t for no “blow me’s.”
Kirk’s side kick never got on da plane –
But he’s saying dat he’s prayin’ repeatin’ God’s name.
All those Hail Marys ain’t brought him back yet –
Gettin’ nervous, like dat episode where he and DiCaprico met.
Now police be quotin’ Mr. Boner’s not dead –
But they worried just the same, ‘cause the long hair on his head.
Captain Kirk’s Chekov, is Boner’s sperm donor –
And he’s walkin’ in Canada, hopin’ to meet no coroner.
Remember Boner’s boner ain’t attached to “that” brain –
And all this missing, could just be more of those growin’ pains.

Grab that Coat, tuck in yo’ scrote, get dat lip ready t’ pout, cuz it’s ‘bout to git’ cold out.
Old man winter’s trackin’ in snow with iz clomp clomp Ugz
Too cold to even get dat lady to give you those two handed tugz.
Snow’s dumpin’ East droppin inches, no feet in da West
Satan’s getting’ chilly in his North Pole conquest.
Snow foxes be hoppin’ be livin’ like kings
Snowin’ like Nantucket, cuddlin’ up Helen from Wings.
Humans be shovelin’, burrowin’ through drifts like moles
Using all you can, keepin’ warm – papers, woods, candles and coals.
Three plus feet and God’s dumpin’ more
Prayin’ for Apocalypse, summonin’ the earfs core.
But don’t worry, should be gone in a hurry
The Right sez no Global Warmin’, They’d be swearin’ for a jury
If da earfs getting’ hotter, den why all deez flakes?
Da globe’s just fine – if it aint, our grand kids’ll pay for deez mistakes.