Many of you may not know who Christopher Hitchens was, and its not all that surprising. Unless you’re an avid, perhaps even maniacal viewer of political news affiliates like FOX News or CNN (they both suck), or happen to follow the heated and complicated religion debate that is taking place every day in the United States, you may never heard of Christopher Hitchens.

But he was not just a British geek who debated the existence of God – he was a contributor to magazines like Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, and Slate. He wrote a bunch of books and handed individuals like Sean Hannity and Jerry Falwell their asses on national television. Another thing: he was a party fuggin’ animal – Hitchens drank and smoked in excess. In 2006 an NPR profile said of him, “Hitchens is known for his love of cigarettes and alcohol — and his prodigious literary output.” In 2003 Hitchens said of himself, “my daily intake of alcohol is enough to kill or stun the average mule.” He often noted that many great writers did some of their finest work when “blotto, smashed, polluted, shitfaced, squiffy, whiffled, and three sheets to the wind.”

Many of Hitchens’ targets for critique were completely understandable: George W. Bush; our war policy in Iraq; Jerry Falwell; Hugo Chavez; Bill Clinton; and Jesse Helms. But it was his acerbic words for some others that made him incredibly unpopular at times, like: Gandhi; the city of New York; Bob Hope; and even Mother Theresa. But even if you did not drink from the same rocks glass as Hitchens’ when it came to his opinions (and many did not), it could not be denied that he was a brilliant man, a supremely intellectual rhetorician, and a fearless critic of things he saw as unjust.

In 2007, Hitchens was diagnosed with esophageal cancer shortly after his long anticipated memoir, Hitch-22 was released. He had given up drinking a year before that during a visit to Madison, Wisconsin because of what he described only as an “epiphany,” and upon being diagnosed with his disease, he quit smoking altogether.

Christopher Hitchens died December 15, at the age of 62. And although there are many human beings in the world that are happy he is out of their hair – I for one am not. Hitchens tirelessly preached the one thing that I do above all else: being critical. And he understood completely that this does not merely mean to pick at and complain about everything – but rather to use our mind and all the limitless education that surrounds us to decide for ourselves what is Truth. Of course he said it best:

“Beware the irrational, however seductive. Shun the ‘transcendent’ and all who invite you to subordinate or annihilate yourself … Picture all experts as if they were mammals.”

It is always around this time of year that I am faced with the same gut-wrenching and logic-nagging question: What makes me more nauseous: Mariah Carey’s Santa Costume or FOX News?

Every December, the adorable rag-tag gang over at FOX and Friends declares war on those they accuse of declaring war on Christmas, you know, just like Jesus would do!

This year they’re bucking the National anti-bullying campaign in favor of Rhode Island Governor, Lincoln Chafee, who they say refuses to label the Rhode Island Christmas tree, a Christmas tree (ed. note: I don’t believe choosing to type Tree Lighting on their invitation cards instead of Christmas Tree Lighting does not qualify as a refusal to do so). This audacious and sinful decision prompted one FOX and Friends guest to shout “Leave the Christ in Christmas!” (while wearing an adorable Santa hat that assumedly kept his head from exploding like a Christmas candy filled piñata), and the host of the program, Steve Doosey, to post Mr. Chafee’s phone number on the screen while encouraging viewers to call him personally to complain. The most wonderfully hypocritical point in the show (of which they have plenty) was when another commentator, Rachel something, used the counter point of the previous Governor’s inclusion of the term “Christmas Tree” on the invitations during his term, which, in the amazingly predictable manner of the show, is of course entirely false. In fact, Donald Carcieri, the previous Governor used the even more offensive, Holiday Tree, during his term. But FOX does not care about these untruths because they do not expect their insane amount of viewers to fact check anything they say, which is of course what makes them the prettiest girl at the dance.

What I really want to drive home here is this Network’s maniacal obsession with rewriting history. FOX has been ignoring easily discernable historical truths for years, and until Jon Stewart came along, no one called them on their horseshit. But in spite of the remarkable job Stewart and his writers do, millions of viewers still read FOX News like the rest of us read A People’s History. One of the more deplorable “characters” of the show, Laura Ingraham, saw Chafee’s Christmas tree debacle as a shining opportunity to hit her viewers with some serious historical knowledge:

“Why did these Pilgrims brave incredibly difficult, er, uh, conditions to live here, die here, and, and try to start a, uh, a new way of life for themselves, to find religious freedom. Yeah… yeah… and now religious freedom is on the rocks.”

Ugh. With the exception of Denmark, the United States is the paragon of religious freedom. Granted, at the moment we’re going through a skid mark phase with the Muslim community, and there are violent and political attacks on different religious groups here (as there are in any other free nation), but we are still pretty damn tolerant. But regardless of these remarkably transparent facts, Ms. Ingraham’s use of the Pilgrims as a dynamic example of religious suppression is outstanding, and an adept archetype of FOX’s historical standards and practices – you see, believe it or not, the Pilgrims hated the glorification of Christmas even more than Governor Chafee apparently does.

For those of you that may be unaware, the Pilgrims were super-religious Puritan separatists (remember their celebrated past time of burning witches, which we now know were prevalent then and surely run rampant in our Northeast territories today!). When the Pilgrims came to what is now our United States, they called themselves the Saints and they were accompanied by everyone else whom they called the Strangers (read The Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell). The Strangers loved Christmas which did much to piss off the Pilgrims because they were severely opposed to religious holidays and the overt displays of religion that were so often associated with them (remember, they sort of hated Catholicism). The Pilgrims were also very much against forbearing work for the recognition of Christmas, and our earliest Congress was known for always working on Christmas Day – for nearly seventy years! As a matter of fact, in 1659, the Puritans (in Boston, but still) passed a law banning the celebration of Christmas that stated: “For preventing disorders arising in several places within this jurisdiction, by reason of some still observing such festivals as were superstitiously kept in other countries to the great dishonor of God and offense of others, it is therefore ordered that whoever shall be found observing any such day as Christmas or the like, either by forbearing of labor, feasting, or any other way, shall pay for every such offense five shillings to the county.” Christmas did not become an official Massachusetts holiday until 1856, but even then its celebration was unenthusiastic and certainly resembled nothing near what it does today. I guess Ms. Ingraham brushed over that chapter in her history book.

My point here is to encourage all of you to do your research – read your books – know your history. There are so many individuals in such high positions of power that use their influence to uneducate those who listen to them; banking on the idea that they will just take their words for fact. Don’t do that. And what is missed in all of this is who cares!? Seriously, friends, does this really matter? Is anyone telling you that you can’t call it a Christmas tree? Is anyone telling you that you can’t wish people a Merry Christmas? Is there anyone telling you that you have to say Happy Holidays? Of course there is not.

Celebrate what you want to celebrate. Wish what you want to wish. After all, this is not the Pilgrims’ America – it’s ours.

*facts provided by the Library of Congress and Roger Matile from his 2008 article, Celebrating and giving gifts at Christmas? Pilgrims would be aghast

Hey! How’s your job going? Do you like it? Are you working longer hours than you used to – maybe settling for no Christmas, er, “Holiday” bonus and no raise because you feel like you should be satisfied for no other reason than you have a job when so many Americans do not? Are you employed? If not, has your unemployment run out? These questions are being asked every single day to millions of Americans.

Many of us in the United States are still unemployed with a national average of 9% (which is bad, by the way) and our fellow brothers and sisters who make the Land of Enchantment their home, are struggling with an average of 6.6%.* Employment in the private sector has risen with modest growth in professional services, leisure, hospitality, healthcare, and mining – Government jobs are still falling – which, depending on who you ask, may prove that Mr. Obama is not only creating government jobs as Mr. Limbaugh claims on a daily-around-noon basis.

In the latest issue of TIME magazine, Stephen Gandel writes about how more of us are quitting. With 14 million people unemployed (and assumedly trying to find work), why are so many on the other side of the fence telling their bosses to eat it? According to Gandel (and the Bureau of Labor Statistics) 2 million people gave their two weeks in September, the highest number of documented workers to do so since November 2008. Why? Well, according to the deserters themselves, unhappiness. I think this is a good thing for two reasons:

1) (And most important) American workers are finally standing up for themselves, stepping outside of the looming shadows of their bully bosses who have been reducing pay, eliminating bonuses, increasing normal work hours, as well as doing away with other “perks” and gratitudes all under the guise of good business sense – when in reality many of our nation’s business leaders and office managers are taking such measures because they know the statistics and they know those numbers frighten their employees into accepting less than acceptable employment parameters simply out of survival instinct (or fear). And –

2) For those of us that are not unhappy in our work, or have not been able to pull out the marbles necessary to tell our bosses to eat dicks, our counterparts departures have created an opportunity for the rest of us to finally get that Christmas, er, “Holiday” bonus or standard of living increase in pay, or hell, if we’re lucky enough – both.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the twoindustries seeing the largest exodus of workers are Professional and Business Services (@ 426,000) and the Trade, Transportation and Utilities sectors (@474,000). This makes sense. If there is something any one of us could agree upon as unanimously as the lousy unemployment statistics, it’s this: as the horizon of the recession grows more infinite and unemployment rates remain high, Americans’ enthusiasm, pleasant demeanor, and overall ability to be around exponentially depletes. It’s getting harder and harder to endure one another.

We’re starting to embarrass ourselves – what happened to the badass, freedom loving, this is America – so be who you wanna be individuals that made the rest of our neighbors envious? Our country is having a colossal morale problem these days and it’s affecting our attitudes – we’re an entire country sharing a menstrual cycle and it’s doing us no good at all. Many of us are displaying signs of senioritis for LIFE! We’re starting not to care anymore. We’re starting to give up. And when that happens we forget what it is we’re supposed to do and much of it is coming through in our attempts at getting new jobs.

I work in an environment that revolves around hiring and firing people all over the world and in a time when more people need jobs than ever they’re screwing it up on a large scale. Believe it or not, regardless of your newly acquired cynicism, there are mores that we are expected to follow – an outline that has been created and distributed freely to us that not only reminds us how to act in the company of others, but actually does very well to help us get hired for jobs that we just may want.

In the coming week I will attempt to help you get your act together for building your resume and crushing your interviews all the while not coming across as so many of us are – as someone who just doesn’t give a shit anymore.

Stay tuned, friends – we’re not out yet.

*statistics courtesy of U.S. Bureau of Labor

A little over a month ago I attended the Occupy Santa Fe Movement downtown at the Roundhouse Capital Building. I spoke to organizers, protesters, and listened intently to their message for two reasons: 1) I support the movement utmost, and 2) As much inertia the movement has accumulated, something continues to nag at me, making me question its overall execution, and I wanted to find out what that was.

After I wrote the piece I received both positive and negative comments. Although I support the movement, I feel, perhaps, that certain localized individuals involved in it felt betrayed – maybe they assumed I was going to write nothing but a text book liberal glowing manifesto of the power of the people and the importance of changing the world, and in retrospect, perhaps I presented myself in a way that helped to reinforce these assumptions – I even recall at one moment on that Saturday thinking to myself, Am I laying this on a little too thick? I probably was. Hindsight’s 20/20. I am no imposter; I just wanted to get a truthful and genuine rejoinder from these people – these people that I respect and admire – these people I consider a part of my lineage.

But that was last time. I wanted to give the movement some breathing room before coming back to it, and a lot has happened since. As most of you know, Occupy Wall Street was born in New York but has since spread throughout our United States (and Canada) like an Ashton Kutcher tweet. The Occupy rally in Santa Fe was peaceful and blanketed in an aire of camaraderie and, well, a sense of safety; but this has not been true for all of the sites. As anyone with knowledge of grassroots movements could have guessed, the protesting sites have inevitably shifted from the concrete streets and sidewalks of downtown areas to the concrete pretend streets and sidewalks of college campuses. Although some on the Left would like to attribute city officials’ attempts to disband the protestors from the city blocks as a sign of right-winged aggression and eradication of 1st Amendment rights, a very logical reason may be more along the lines of the violence occurring at some locations (Oakland, California), multiple drug overdoses within the tent cities (Portland, Oregon and Vancouver, British Columbia), the overall safety of citizens as a whole (fights breaking out at every location and one suicide, a war veteran at a camp in Burlington, Vermont), not to mention the garbage and filth accumulating in every location is bordering on a public health issue.

In Berkley: Only a handful of colleges have encampments, but tents went up last week at Harvard and at the University of California, Berkeley. Last Wednesday at Berkeley, a mass of 3,000 people gathered on Sproul Plaza to protest tuition increases along with the income inequality line that has been thread througout. Demonstrators linked arms to protect their tents, but police officers broke through and took down more than a dozen tents, and arrested roughly 40 protesters. The police circumvented the traditional series of eradicating escalation and went straight for the ultra-violence; spearing women (first, one very tiny, young Asian woman) in front of the crowd with their riot batons. Occupy protesters at UC Berkeley have vowed to remain peaceful and cooperate with police. But while many people who have demonstrated with Occupy Oakland also preach nonviolent disobedience, some have encouraged the tactics of the “black bloc,” which include attacking the police and vandalizing property. How Oakland.

In Salt Lake City: Permits that allowed people associated with the movement to camp in a downtown park, Pioneer Park, were revoked on Friday after a man was found dead. After this, demonstrators were given twenty four hours to leave. Officers moved in on Saturday night to remove those who did not heed the warning. Nineteen people were arrested. The same night, protesters in Denver were forced out of their encampment, the second park they have had to leave since demonstrations began. Seventeen people were arrested.

In St. Louis: Twenty seven people were arrested this past Friday night at Kiener Plaza. Many of the arrests are being justified due to people breaking city park curfews. The evictions keep coming in other cities as well including Albany, Portland, and Seattle.

Oakland: A few of weeks ago, the protests in Oakland were the first to get noticeably out of control and it was the first location to have a seemingly unmanageable level of violence. The mood has been intense since Scott Olsen, 24, an Iraq war veteran, was critically injured at a protest last month (he was shot in the face by riot police with a tear gas canister which fractured his skull). Mr. Olsen was released from the hospital last week and it has been reported that he can now read and write, but still has trouble talking.

City leaders continued to move toward a final clearing of the encampment that they dismantled on Oct. 25 (the protestors rebuilt it). On Sunday, officials issued their third eviction notice to the campers at Frank Ogawa Plaza (the protestors ignored it). Supporters of the camp, which first sprang up on Oct. 10, have vowed not to go willingly, and have agreed to meet at the Oakland Public Library which is about six blocks from the plaza – in the hours after any police raid – which they have also followed through on. Protesters managed to outlast a threat of eviction on Saturday, defying the city’s second demand in two days that they clear out; calls made after a man was shot near the protest area on Thursday which may or may not have had to do with the protests (although he was living in the tent encampment). On Sunday, demonstrators received a third notice from the city demanding they stop camping in city parks (which they ignored). Still, many Oakland leaders have decided there is more harm in leaving the camp alone. City officials also broadened the crackdown to three other parks where protesters have erected smaller, satellite camps: Snow Park, Jefferson Square and Lafayette Square, all in the greater downtown area. Drug use and violence have increased at the camps, leaving downtown workers intimidated and business owners crippled economically, according to some city officials.

As I said, a lot has gone on in the last few weeks. But all of this brings me back to my previous post: I genuinely think the impetus for the movement is strong and perfectly rational, but since its inauguration, it has evolved into protesting “Stuff That Sucks.” Without its presence in a vacuum, there will always be injury, violence, and vandalism during protests, it’s the nature of the beast, but where is the leadership? The Civil Rights Movement was grown on non-violent, peaceful protests that eventually erupted into the antithesis of those things, but ultimately had a leader to wrangle everyone back together, getting them back on track. Granted, the Occupy Movement will never have a Martin Luther King, Jr., hell, no movement will ever have another Martin Luther King, Jr., but it needs a voice – the voice of 99% of the nation’s population is far too dissonant, and certainly too loud to be coherent.

Some of you may not know this, but the Lowbrow Sophisticates do more than tickle your tummies with amusing posts; we are sometimes summoned to do PR work for various individuals and organizations. And with the recent tomato slinging going on with the next President of these United States, Herman Cain, we were asked to come up with some new catch phrase names for Mr. Cain with the intention of alleviating some of the pressure – something we did in our Washington D.C. office using our usual and successful brand of wit and creativity.

Check out the names below – names we were paid to come up with. And, as always, we encourage each and every one of you to submit your own agnomen concoction! We’ll post em as long as they’re not racist or riddled with good old American bigotry! And if enough of you send along your names, we’ll have a contest with Lowbrow Branded Prizes: Ashtrays, T-shirts, and Baby Nooks!

Herman “Muenster” Cain
Her “Man Candy” Cain
Hermoine “The Granger” Cain
Hermaid “The Man Fish” Cain
Herman “Cain I Touch Those”
Hermaner “The Settlement Determiner” Cain
Herman “The Other Wayans” Cain
Herman “Chocolate Brain” Cain
Herman “These Bitches Ain’t Germane” Cain
Herman “At Least It Ain’t Coke” Cain
Herman “Hussein” Cain (in honor of Fox News Corp.)
Herman “She’s t’ Blame” Cain
Her-Man-Dingo Cain
Herman “The Merman” Cain
Herm “Single Term” Cain
Herman “The Complain Train” Cain
Herman “Sexual Sugar” Cain

As I approached the Roundhouse from around the corner of the underground parking garage, I turned off my music in order to hear the megaphones and unison chants, expecting the collective noise to jack me up for the day’s righteous rally. Much to my chagrin, I heard nothing. Through the parking lot I came upon two organizers: a man and a woman. This can’t be it, I thought. All the pride I had felt, and let’s be honest, giddiness, had culminated into two community organizers and me – a chilly, unknown writer who was covering the rally on his own, without assignment from anyone?

So where the hell was everyone? Turns out I was an hour early. My pride, although bruised due to my overzealous punctuality, began to bubble back up and excitement rode in its side car. I helped the two friendly liberals put together a hacksaw to cut metal piping that would later be used to hold up signs. Soon after, another organizer arrived with his son. A few minutes after this two more arrived, then a couple more. A truck showed up carrying jugs of water, garbage backs, adhesive materials for signs, what looked like one hundred protest placards, and even a first aid kit. It was like a Democratic Protest Liberators starter kit. I was impressed, even more impressive were their attitudes; each and every one of them was beyond polite, definitely kind, and the perfect amount of enthusiastic, not overly so as to lead one to think them naïve or just plain crazy.

I was told the parade had started at East Devargas, near the Bank of America (which has been taking a pounding by protestors over the last three weeks), followed up St. Francis to Paseo, and down to the Roundhouse where their arrival would announce the beginning of the GA, or General Assembly to the protesting layman. A dozen or so individuals had walked up and after setting up a few tables, went straight to the pile of placards and took to the corners of Old Santa Fe Trail and Paseo. Within seconds of planting themselves on the corner, the honking of horns became ridiculously distracting (in a good way) as they let sign holders know that even though they could not be there with them, they were sympathetic to their cause. Upon hearing the horns, I decided to head over and get some video of their success, and it was when I came about I saw the head of the parade dragon. I was taken aback by how many people were marching. There were less people in the gay pride parade. As I danced through the traffic like Frogger, I heard the chants, We are the 99 percent… we are the 99 percent… whose too big to fail, we’re too big to fail… whose too big to fail, we’re too big to fail… and what seemed to be their sterling mantra, tell me what Democracy looks like, this is what Democracy looks like… tell me what Democracy looks like, this is what Democracy looks like.

I could hear by the pulse of the voices that everyone in that parade was participating vocally and all their words were kept in unison by a young man in the front who rhythmically pounded on a Djembe drum, keeping them in tune like a learned maestro. Their march culminated in front of the Roundhouse and it was a loud yet calming collective of drummers and sign holders, those on bikes and those pushing strollers, the aged standing with the youth as many held tightly to the leashes that held the liberal canines of Santa Fe.

A Native American woman by the name of Shea opened with a blessing or incantation that she spoke in her language as sage burned all around us. I thought it a perfect way to open the rally, and how oh so Santa Fe. After this, one of the organizers took to the podium and gave the crowd a brief history of the Occupy Santa Fe movement, focusing far more on the locality of their gathering than its birth mother from Wall Street. I was surprised by this, but after all, it was taking place in our city. His history was brief, but perfectly tight and informative, he did not stutter as he lectured and set the tone for the rest of those who spoke. As he wrapped up he explained that there would be one speaker and soap boxes for people to stand up on and aire their grievances whatever they may be. Whatever they may be? I suppose I was just expecting a little more focus on Wall Street and the opportunity to educate the public on what is actually happening out East and how, like through a series of veins, it was infecting the rest of our nation like a severe flu bug. But I did not organize it, and they seemed to be doing a helluva job, so I kept my mind shut.

After the Occupy Santa Fe event, I sat and thought about what it is I had been involved in for the past four hours and I came to the conclusion that Occupy Santa Fe was not as much about Wall Street and the specific daily deception and thievery that is taking place there, as much as it is about organization in general. At first my impression was that this particular group (I am cautious to stigmatize the entire movement, as I have only physically been to the Santa Fe occupation) seemed to be lacking in the arena of information giving. Placards are great and certainly the ribcage of the protesting skeletal system, but I cannot help but think a movement of this magnitude would benefit further with the inclusion of speakers that have a strong pulse in the vein of what is actually happening and why it ignited this movement in the first place. I struggled a bit trying to distinguish between two possible explanations: 1) perhaps I was just a late comer to the Santa Fe Occupation experience as a whole and I missed all the information giving that may have happened earlier in the week, possibly before, or 2) which is what I hesitantly lean towards, the organization is more concerned with the entity itself (dare I say the size of their numbers, the media?) than, again, the impetus for the occupation.

Being well-versed in the shit storm that is our current financial crisis (see yesterday’s article), I back handedly spouted out a half dozen statistics (double-fact checked information) to those that were organizing earlier in the day as I helped them set up their stations. I did not do this in an attempt to impress or “test” my new acquaintances, but rather to gauge their interest in the goad the greed and theft is having on our universal economy of which they are raising their voices against. Due to particular access I have to research materials, I know exact salaries of the CEO’s of these banks including their bonuses (which are quite honestly sometimes houses, boats, and gold caches) and during a discussion of the 1% of the population controlling three quarters of the nation’s wealth and us, the 99, making dick, I spouted off exact numbers of Ken Lewis (BofA) and Lloyd Blankfein (Goldman Sachs) compensation and this information was met with nods and dismissive scoffs that changed the subject. Granted, there is a helluva lot more important pieces of information dealing with this mess, but I expected the numbers I gave to ignite some rage, or at the very least, disgust. Maybe they were preoccupied with all that was going on, or they found my presence off-putting or hell, maybe they thought I was being a know-it-all, but from where I was sitting, they just did not seem to care that much at all.

My festering fears were picked at like a scab when they announced their soap box stations located on the premises, as I mentioned earlier, spots where any individual could aire their grievances no matter what the subject, a seemingly carnival stand that the organizers pointed out was the most popular attraction at each of their events. Do not get me wrong – and I cannot stress this enough – I am for nothing more than I am for the freedom of speech, it is without any second thought, the most important and precious component of our democratic state, and I admit that there is no better forum for such an “attraction” than at a rally. However, perhaps this could be a secondary thought to the surplus of knowledge that could be distributed throughout the day at a gathering such as Occupy Santa Fe.

As a citizen and a human, I could not be more supportive than I am of these organized movements, and I will continue to be for as long as I live, and the individuals that had gathered downtown today could not have been more gracious, compassionate and intelligent; it is just that I think this particular occupation in Santa Fe is missing a righteous opportunity to educate their masses on the undisputable facts that have led to this catastrophe, all the while giving their supporters a venue to speak their minds on whatever it is that urges them to occupy. Whether we are sitting in a bar discussing it over a pint, or in a one hundred person herd at the state capitol, complaining about corruption and our disappointment in their government surely makes us feel better, but our message can only be as powerful as the knowledge we possess in reference to it. Our liberal anger can be harnessed and used as the most powerful of tools if we know where to direct it at, otherwise we’re just contributing as sound bites to Fox and Friends.

My last point is to reaffirm my reader(s) that I think what the Occupy Santa Fe movement is doing is excellent and well organized, and I will continue to participate and help as much as I can, or as much as I am wanted (although, I imagine not too much after this), but I suggest tightening the focus on the matter at hand. Wall Street will not change if we show up to a rally that at one time centered on the corruption of banks and shout through a megaphone that your neighbors should buy local produce and one’s fear of the retraction of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

Keep up the good work and I salute each and every one of you for having the cans to get out there and voice your opinions on such a grand scale. I can only hope that our collective voices are loud and focused enough to be taken seriously.