Due to its devout Catholicism, Ireland is consistently cited in scientific polling on sexuality for having the least amount of sex acts going on per day per household.  And, of course, the most in churches.

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In the wake of the wild success that the site has seen over the last month, with money flowing in from our sponsorship by BabyTouch pillows, we wanted to take a look back at the posts that made us what we are now…  posts such as the original, infamous, and completely unmerited taunting of Johnny Cash:

There is one thing above all that led to Johnny Cash’s rise to prominence above his contemporary rivals like Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and La Bamba: their collective death in a plane crash in a field in Iowa.

In his last year Johnny Cash famously recorded “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails. The lyrics include lines like “I hurt myself today”. In the original version Reznor was referring to his frequent attempts at suicide. Cash’s interpretation had more to do with his strained attempts to move his bowels.

A little known fact is that Cash’s song “I Still Miss Someone” is sung from the perspective of his children as they thought about the father who spent no time with them and refused to pay for their schooling.

Back then it was known as “walking the line”. Now it’s known as “bisexuality”.

What’s the similarity between a record and Johnny Cash? Both are round, black and take steely rods in their holes.

When Johnny Cash’s brother died early in their youth two tragedies came out of it: 1) we never got to hear the songs his brother could have written, and 2) we had to hear the songs that Johnny wrote.

The Man in Black famously performed at Folsom Prison. Many commented on how notable it was to have a rebel perform in front of so many rebels. Few commented on how notable it was to have a rapist perform in front of so many rapists.

Over the years, biographies and biopics like Walk The Line have promoted the theory that Johnny Cash’s distinctive deep growl came about from years of abusing cigarettes, alcohol, and other substances, distracting audiences from the real sordid cause: nearly non-stop deep-throating.

It is ironic, when you think of it, how well known Cash became as “The Man in Black” when his bank account was “in the red” from years of abusing cigarettes, alcohol, other substances, and deep-throating.

In reality the closest Cash ever came to falling into a burning ring of fire was when he went down on June Carter Cash during her late-life, month-long outbreak of herpes.

Cash claimed that all his songs were written very quickly, most of them taking less than ten minutes to write and compose. No one was surprised by this.

In late life Cash suffered from diabetes brought about from years of indulgence and obesity (it’s no coincidence that Man in Black chose black – it’s slimming).

When asked toward the end of his life how he still continued to tour playing songs he had written nearly 30 years ago without forgetting a chord or lyric, Cash responded that it was not such a feat after all, as they are all exactly the same.

In one song, Johnny intoned “it’s dark as a dungeon, damp as the dew”. It was the only known reference he is known to have made in song to Willie Nelson’s anus.

What’s the difference between Johnny Cash and Buddy Holly? They both knew how to sing lyrics but only the latter ever learned how to write.

What’s the difference between a Johnny Cash original and a cover of his song by another performer? The latter is in tune.

At what age did Johnny Cash become an expert at guitar playing? It’s a trick question, this would have occurred if he had lived to be 100.

Why have none of Johnny Cash’s children followed in their father’s footsteps and become musicians in their own right? Because each was raised in foster homes amid squalor and dissolution.

We went recently to see Tom Green perform here in Chicago and the show was amazing.  If you can, make sure to catch him on one of his remaining dates (Texas, California, Missouri and Arizona) and check out his online talk show, free at his website.  You can even easily skype in to talk to guests like Steve-O, Norm MacDonald, Andy Dick and more.

www.tomgreen.com

Butler (pictured above between takes in his film “Human Manatee”) once saved a young boy from drowning on an off-day from filming in Scotland, presenting the government with the dilemma of having to reward the isolated heroic act of a terrible man.  Ultimately they decided to give him the award but it was presented to him by the Humane Society, since he is such a dirty dog.

The other day, youngsters flocked to the Gap in Hollywood because they heard that jeans were “half off”.  Unfortunately they were disappointed when they arrived as they realized the jeans in question were Gerard Butler’s as he tried to show a young employee his balls.

Butler’s film “300″ was one of the first truly big IMAX theatrical releases.  The film was shot on IMAX to reinforce the epic nature of the story.  Butler’s next film is also slated to be released in the IMAX format, but this time so that the screen can accommodate his love handles.

Butler has expressed some frustration that he has not yet bagged an Oscar, though he was quick to boast that he’s been with a Riccardo, two Manuel’s, and one Enrique.

A little known fact is that “300″ was originally going to be a live-action movie with naturally muscled actors, but when Butler turned up for shooting with 30 more pounds of cellulite than expected the entirety of the footage had to be converted into this dismal cartoon that was released to the public.

Before he was even famous as an actor, Butler was already linked to many of the hottest starlets in Hollywood as many of them were already supplementing their beautiful locks with extensions harvested from his famously fine, long and silken ass hair.

Butler was more recently cast in the movie “Law-Abiding Citizen” (though, of course, he is not).

Butler has been known to boast that he’s a real “breast man,” and those who have seen him shirtless have tended to agree.

Q: Why is the floor of Gerard Butler’s restroom always completely wet?

A: Because he never dries his face after drinking out of the toilet.

Plants are so stupid that they think sunlight is food!

Idiots.

The Canadian hockey team defeated their US rivals in overtime to take the gold medal on Sunday, bringing the 2010 Winter Olympics to a close.  US citizens will now be forced to return to their usual complete apathy to the sport, but will be able to look forward to pretending to care about bicycling as this summer’s Tour de France approaches.

The Sea World whale trainer killed recently was remembered today by family members for her loving support, co-workers and friends for her dedication to marine life, and by whale Tilikum for the severe case of indigestion he’s been suffering this week.

The Bachelor’s Jake Pavelka made his final decision this week in the much anticipated season finale of the popular dating show.  Pavelka announced that he will not, in fact, seek treatment for the virulent strain of antibiotic resistant herpes he contracted from the female contestants, but will instead resign himself to the hospice route.

General Motors has announced they intend to have a major shake-up of their sales and marketing team in the near future, in what is quite an unexpected move.  Not to be outdone, rival Toyota has an even more surprising move in store for their drivers: a move forward at increasingly terrifying speeds despite the deployment of brakes and emergency breaks, ending with one’s body thrown through a wall of earthly flames, while one’s soul is thrown into the still hotter flames of hell.

Jay Leno returned to TV this week.  Though there is much public scrutiny of his return, he is expected to ease comfortably back into the Tonight Show desk chair as he is a seasoned veteran or the forum, and the chair still bears the stress marked indentation from his Kardashian-sized ass cheeks.

Holy

NOT holy

GET IT STRAIGHT

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It used to be that if you had consensual sex with someone before you were married, this is what would happen if you were caught!

Now, though, it’s ok…  you can do it if you want to!

The search continues for actor Andrew Koenig who was last seen in Vancouver days ago and has not been heard from since.  Koenig is best/only known for his portrayl of Boner on the show “Growing Pains.”  Police are searching for Boner in Vancouver, Los Angeles, and in pants.

U.S. Olympic snowboarder and presumed pot-enthusiast Shaun White told reporters recently that “snowboarding chose me” as opposed to the other way around, adding with a note of sadness “just like my disgusting face.”  The snowboarding sensation is a true inspiration, though, having risen to the height of his sport despite living with a heart problem.  That heart problem?  The inability to love his parents.

Car giant Toyota is stepping up efforts to do publicity damage control in the wake of their giant recall.  The company’s CEO has called for an “acceleration of efforts to restore public faith in their brand,” adding that the acceleration of these efforts should be “fast, but not so fast that we end up wrapped around a telephone pole only to come back to consciousness in a pool of our passengers blood.”

The guy who figure skates for the U.S. has complained about another figure skating guy criticizing him just after his big win in the Olympics.  Apparently Russian figure skating guy said that the U.S. figure skating guy didn’t deserve the medal because he didn’t attempt the customary “quadruple jump.”  American figure skating guy says it was a low blow to air such a personal criticism in the media when “he could have just told me last night in bed.”